TTD: Part 1, Prologue

Yesterday 1:11 PM

I miss you so much it hurts

Chetna’s nice but she’s a rando

And I don’t want to put your parents at risk again

Yesterday 2:28 PM

I miss you too ❤ I put in a leave request but haven’t heard back yet. Maybe I can come home early!

I’m glad Chetna’s nice at least, but stooooop worrying about my dads

They want to help you. I want them to help you

At least let them bring you the good take out 🙂

Yesterday 2:31 PM

Are you free?

Video chat?

Yesterday 2:45 PM

Sorry, just little breaks

How are you free?

Yesterday 2:48 PM

I miss your face so I’d make time

Even if Kanontienentha is breathing down my neck

Yesterday 2:50 PM

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Yesterday 2:52PM

NOOOOOO

It won’t come through

Yesterday 3:29 PM

Couldn’t download picture. Tap to retry

Yesterday 3:34 PM

Still isn’t coming through

Boo

Yesterday 3:57 PM

Free to video chat now?

Yesterday 11:08 PM

I said I would go to bed hours ago and instead I’m staring at those screenshots

I don’t know what I’d do without them

Today 1:25 PM

You waking up soon? I can’t sleep

Today 2:37 AM

Babe, you have to try to get some sleep

I know

I’m trying

Have you put your phone down once tonight?

Today 2:41 AM

That’s what I thought

Please please please try

Close your eyes and dream of me xoxo

How am I supposed to fall asleep when I’m thinking about you?

But I’ll try for you babe xoxo

❤ you

Today 4:49 AM

My leave was denied, so I can’t come back early. I did everything I could. I’m so sorry, babe

Today 5:30 AM

I hope you’re still sleeping

But if you’re not… and you’re trying to keep your frustrations to yourself, don’t

I can talk for a few min if you can

Today 5:34 AM

Well, hoping you’re actually sleeping then ❤

Today 7:06 AM

Shit

That really sucks

No chance you’re still free right?

Today 8:20 AM

Stuck listening to Kanontienentha  and Jason all day

Chetna doesn’t even get the chance to speak yet

It’s so fucking fake like why even pretend I get a lawyer

Today 10:31 AM

Let out early for first break! 

Even the CNA can’t stand Jason lmao

Free?

Today 12:45 PM

Second break! Free?

Today 1:45 PM

I swear if I wasn’t so scared of Kanontienentha I’d have walked out by now

Jason is so annoying

He  preens. Like a peacock. It’s so weird

Like read the room

Not the vibe

Think Inodaya hates his guts as much as I do

Today 2:30 PM

Holy shit! Maybe a development?

They’re going to hire a  “bodyguard”

Let me stay in the CNA house thru the negotiations

Chetna even got to agree out loud

Today 3:10 PM

Sounds like a bad morning, but not so bad afternoon!

Things are looking up 🙂

Up’s a bit strong

Up is you coming home early

This is just meh

Meh?

Seriously?

Come on, babe

This is a big deal. Getting the tigers and the ravens to agree on anything this early on is a good sign. Don’t let your right-now mood steal your later happiness!

You’re right

Like always ❤

But I’m still pretty pissed off about it all

Today 3:56 PM

You have every right to be

You’re processing a lot, and that’s just in your own body

I can’t imagine what it’s like

I’m really sorry I can’t be there with you

It sucks

Today 4:01 PM

Sorry closing words

You free now?

Yes 🙂 see you soon!

Today 5:18 PM

Thanks babe

I really needed that

Today 5:42 PM

Of course ❤

I just wish I could be there more

You need more than just our video chats to vent

You need an outlet

Today 5:44 PM

I mean I’m working out when we’re at home

Hoping I can exhaust myself to sleep

Oh good so you’re just extra tired and sore

Brilliant

You never did love me for my brains

Very funny. Go draw for an hour

Or write or sing or something

Let yourself work through it all

Eh. Idk if Chetna has a journal I could use

Today 5:58 PM

Ily but stop making excuses

Please please please try

For me

Today 6:04 PM

I promise I’ll try, but no guarantees

Ily too

***

I don’t think this is really what you mean, because I can’t do the journal thing. And I mean, have you ever seen me sketch? Or sing in the shower? Yeah, no.

Every time I pick up the pen, though, I freeze up and the memories play in my head without coming out on paper. Chetna suggested I record it all in voice memos, but it feels so so weird hearing my own voice talking about myself like… that. All gushy and introspective and deep.

But I promised I’d try, so this is the best I got. I can record my stories, because I do like to speak it rather than write it, for you—like letters on tape. Maybe it will be kind of romantic when you listen to it, or maybe you’ll just laugh or roll your eyes at me or something. 

Either way, I can do this for you. Maybe I’ll get the outlet you think I need, but if anything, I’m just glad I can show you what it’s like. How it feels. What I’m thinking. What I’m hoping.

Screw it, I’m hoping maybe one day, we’ll both listen to this when we’re old wrinkly fattie baddies and laugh at it. I hope one day this is all a distant nightmare I never have to revisit. But at least, for tonight, I hope maybe it does help me sleep.


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